Victoria Wood As Seen On TV - Today In Hospital

Luckily not all hospitals are like this:

The Eve Appeal

Chemo?

I went for a CT Scan on Thursday to find out what is going on  inside.  I get the results in a couple of weeks and then have to decide whether or not to have more chemotherapy.  I put the decision off last time I was at clinic, but I don't think I am going to be able to get away with that again!

I had decided earlier this year not to have anymore chemo, but things have changed a bit since then.  The main difference is my bowel blockage has been sorted out and, although, the tumours are growing back in that area, they are not causing the same problems.

Quality of life is my main concern.  I always feel very ill when having chemo and earlier this year I was told that it would only add a few months to my life.  It was a hard decision to make, and I was feeling very ill anyway, but in the end I decided that it wasn't worth it.

Anyway, before I can make a decision this time, I will need to know how much longer would or could be added to my life and how ill the chemo would make me feel.  I'll let you know my decision when I make it!

Eating Out, Bowel Surgery and Facebook

For someone who is home all day I really don't seem to get much done.  This is mostly because I am so tired and rarely get out of bed before lunchtime. Today, however, I was up before noon, and managed to fit quite a lot into my day (for me anyway!)

The main reason for my early rise(!) was to spend some time with my mum.  We saw a film (Made in Dagenham) and had a meal out.  Usually when I go out with my mum it's to the hospital, so it was great to do something more enjoyable. 

I love eating out, but since I had a bowel blockage earlier this year I've not been able to enjoy, or indeed eat, food as much.  Not long after I finished my second course of chemotherapy the tumours started growing back around my stomach and became entwined with my intestine.  To start with this meant that I was in a lot of pain and could only eat small amounts or I was very sick, but after a couple of months I couldn't eat anything and if I did eat, or drink, something it just came back up. I couldn't even take my tablets.  I went into hospital, but as I had decided to stop my third course of chemotherapy after the 3rd cycle (it wasn't working and was making me very ill) they decided to send me to St Gemma's (a local hospice) where they could manage my sickness and pain better.

While I was there I saw three surgeons about having an operation to sort out the problem, but decided against it as could have made things worse.  However, the decision to have surgery was taken out of my hands when two days later my bowel burst and I had to have emergency surgery.  I nearly died several times during and after surgery, but it turned out to be a complete success and not only did they manage to take out the diseased part of my bowel without having to fit a stoma, they also took out all the tumours.  In the end my bowel bursting turned out to be a blessing in disguise.  I had been told that I would only have a few months to live, maybe even weeks, but here I am 5 months later alive and well and telling you all the gory details!  I still sometimes feel uncomfortable after eating (like today) but that is a very small price to pay.

On a lighter note I also managed to catch up on my Facebook correspondence.  I find it so awkward replying to people I haven't seen in years.  They tell me about their wives/husbands and children and I reply and tell them about my cancer.  It's not that I get upset telling people about it - it's more that I worry I'm upsetting them.  I've tried different ways of telling people, but none of them are easy - maybe I should just direct people to this blog!